Life moves fast. We leave people voice messages, we shoot out those text questions, hit send before reading drafted emails, pop-up with task-driven questions or directions. Are we pausing and consciously thinking about the person receiving the message? Or simply checking off a task with deliberate indifference and reckless disregard for the consequences of our acts on others?
"We created our vision, mission, and values! We are so proud of how we have implemented the culture, aligned with it all year, and of those that have championed it! We cannot wait to deliver the results of our survey." This was reported by a non-profit that had chosen to implement a values-driven culture. Truly … Continue reading What To Manage…?
Interestingly enough, I had been allowed to fail; and watching these “leaders” tear into my father, I knew it was all a part of the plan. I knew, when we got home, we were not going to be talking about the horse, the class, my performance, or the 4-H club. Knowing my father as I did, I now knew what I had set myself up for. I saw a “learning moment” coming when I saw it. We would be having a conversation about my father’s broken record topics; cause and effect behavior, accountability, self-respect, and choices.
The instructor asked some simple questions; “who did the team allow to impede progress? Who was able to change the dynamics in the moment? Who continued to change the team’s mind?” Unequivocally the answers came back –from the whole class, not the presenting team-team member number five. Confirming for the class that the power rested with the perceived weakest member!
Whether a four-year old or a forty-year old in the midst of a power struggle, the behavior may look a little different, but the dynamics will remain consistent; and although this four-year old continued to throw a temper tantrum, my father calmly continued to resist my invitation into a power struggle by placing the choice in my hands. “Cora, make your choice; I will give you a few minutes to decide to pick up your monkeys and put them away, go to your room and pick them up later, or not pick them up and no longer have a barrel of monkeys.” And calmly he walks away.
The sender-receiver model suggests we are sending and receiving messages simultaneously. I wonder sometimes if we are better at sending than receiving.
In communication, being clear on purpose and utilizing the power of effective questions can take the focus off what “we” want others to do, and places the focus on empowering and developing others. At the end of the day, which has more impact?